In Conversation: Nikki D
Featuring the woman herself, champagne, conversation, Prince, red nails, double-ended dildos and a damn good lobster roll…
I wait for Nikki on the plush velvet sofa of The Coral Room where we meet for lunch. I sip a black coffee, and look around. It occurs to me that the drawing room reminds me of Nikki herself; glamorous and unselfconsciously playful. The serene February afternoon light winks at me through the cut glass behind the bar. This is a dangerous wink when enjoying a long lunch with someone like Nikki. It’s all too easy to wink back and, in doing so, lose yourself to a languid afternoon slipping easily into a night between bars, dancefloors and tangled sheets.
In my jeans, boots and unbuttoned shirt, I’m not underdressed. But when Nikki arrives I can’t help but feel like the tomboyish kid sister. She sweeps in, red and black, cat-eye sunglasses and a beret, a shawl draped over her dress. Admiring glances from neighbouring tables catch on her but she finds me immediately, grins, and I feel myself glow under her affectionate gaze. She’d be intimidating if she wasn’t so warm, so entirely present.
We chat (and flirt) over salads (and a lobster roll and excellent triple-cooked chips) and then wander back to Nikki’s flat. I help her with her bags. She has a way of making me feel intensely lucky to be doing so. I suddenly understand the scenes in old Hollywood movies where men lay their coats down for their paramour to step across, fight hordes of other men to pick up the fallen umbrella of a beautiful woman. In her apartment we giggle, getting into something more comfortable (read: less clothed), pouring drinks and sitting down to talk properly…
E: My darling Nikki! First and foremost, how are you? Tell me everything! What have you been up to recently? Any fun stuff coming up?
N: Well I've just got back from Melbourne, where I'm from, and have to say… It just reminds me of how much I love London.
We both laugh, exchanging knowing looks. Neither of us enjoy Nikki’s trips home. London feels distinctly lacking when she’s away.
E: It's certainly felt a dry and barren landscape without Nikki D!
N: Thanks, I felt the same way. I felt completely dried up while I was there, do you know what I mean? So coming back has been great. And when you say what do I have coming up… I don't know, what haven’t I got coming up!
For those not in the know, I’m speaking to the woman colloquially known as ‘The Scene’; if there’s anything even vaguely resembling a party, an orgy, or with a vaguely kinky theme you’d best believe Nikki will be somewhere at the centre. Nikki laughs.
N: Well, you know, I like to attend a party or two sometimes.
E: Yes, you’ve been known to attend a party or two… So you've got a big one coming up, I think I know which one you're talking about?
N: It's a famous one, a popular one. It's a big event and I like to go there to be surrounded by my people. There's always familiar faces, and new ones, so yeah, I look forward to those kinds of events, especially when I know I’ve got a cool group of friends to go with…
Nikki winks at me. We’re regulars at these events together, and I’ve been dithering about attending the one she’s talking about because my return flight home arrives at Heathrow a mere hour before the party officially starts. While we’re on the subject, let's dive straight into kink. We're both part of KLE, and we're both people who love a bit of kink. I ask her how the kink scene is going for her?
E: Obviously well with the parties, but I know we all kind of go through phases with kink, and we find things that we really love and things that we fall out of love with, but what are you finding yourself really drawn to at the moment?
N: Okay, well, I have been really getting into pegging (me giving). As I say in my KLE profile, I am a switch. But I can be a domme-leaning switch. So I'm starting to feel my domme energy these last few months. And when I say domme, I am more of a sensual domme. So even though it’s a dominant move to be putting on a strap-on with a dildo as a cock and fucking someone with it, it can be very sensual and intimate. I'm getting into the ritual of putting on the strap-on, inserting the dildo, touching it, feeling it. I always use condom, so even that is part of the ritual. Some people like to suck it, before, during, after…
E:...some people like to do it, do you like having it done?
N: I absolutely love getting it sucked.
E: Do you feel the sensation of it? As in, does it become an extension of you?
N: Yes, and some people find that hard to believe! Particularly if I'm really getting into it and, you know, getting that feeling of orgasm or close to orgasm it’s a really intense sensation. So yeah, it does become an extension of me. And I really love using it. Having said that, I don't want to overuse it! I don't want to lose the excitement and the fun of it. So I am very particular about who I play with in that way…
E: The exclusive Nikki D pegging club.
N: Yeah, for real.
You heard it here first, folks. We discuss it further. I say that I think it's very different when she’s doing it one-on-one in an intimate scenario. But I definitely feel like I've seen, in party scenarios, people take Nikki for granted when she wears her strap. We agree that we think it's something requiring clear, intentional boundaries on both sides, giving and receiving.
N: Mmm, you want someone to, I don't know if worship is the word, but you want someone to really appreciate it. And understand that you're not just wearing it for fun; Perhaps it's a part of your kink or your outfit or your mood, you know? And if I wasn't feeling in the mood I wouldn't wear it. So yeah, it’s the pegging for me!
E: Interesting! Is there anything that you've always been curious about that you haven't had the chance to experiment with or that you'd like to?
N: I think with this one, it's about me and another woman. Preferably in a threesome situation. And actually, funny you should ask, because literally this week, I bought a double ended dildo…
E, gasping: Oh stop, that’s so fun!
N: It's huge! I don't know, what's that? 60 centimetres? And the reason why I say in a threesome situation is that the third, preferably the guy, can hold onto it between. The image I have in mind has to do with a woman who's enthusiastically in it as much as me and a third person holding it in the middle, keeping it there kind of like an anchor. I haven't really successfully done this yet, so it's something that I really want to do.
E: It's so interesting, the power dynamic within that because you've got the one person keeping you both stable, and you're both playing, and all three of you are in it together. You’ll have to show me that… Wait, was that what was in the package?
When we arrived at Nikki’s flat, she picked up a suspiciously long package on the way through the building. Upon my comment, she smiled mischievously and continued to lead me up the stairs.
E: I was going to ask about domination and submission and where you feel you sit. I know you're very switchy. Do you feel like your heart lies in one particular place?
N: You know, submission and domination, it can be a journey. And I feel like the best dommes used to be subs and the best subs used to be dommes. I've done both! There was a phase where I was really into the sub, and now I am more into the domme. Having said that, I still love both, but you have to feel safe with that person [that you’re playing with]! You have to have mutual understanding, you have to be able to look into each other's eyes.
Nikki, adds, as an aside, ‘If you're not blindfolded…’ We laugh as I agree that it’s true that you have to be able to look into each other's eyes spiritually, if not physically.
N: There needs to be a real level of trust, to perform any kind of BDSM. So whether I'm being topped, or if I'm doing the topping, it's always going to be great as long as everyone's on the same page. And if things are going sour, or just doesn't feel right, you can feel okay to say ‘hey, let's switch it up’. Or ‘let's take a break’, or ‘let's talk about it’. I really appreciate people that can do that and be cool about it. And, you know, it's supposed to be fun!
E: Yeah, that's the thing, isn't it! I think people have the tendency to take BDSM very seriously. And it's a serious thing, and when you're doing it you're not allowed to joke and you're not allowed to laugh, you're not allowed to change things. And something I've always really appreciated about you is that you have all of the expertise, but you're not going to take it so seriously that you're going to roller over the fun.
N: Yes, and you know this- I love to have a laugh!
E: Truly, and I think it's part of the reason why we get on so well!
N: Exactly! I just think if you can't laugh, or you're going to be upset at someone else laughing then you've got the wrong end of the stick.
Or the wrong end of the dildo, I add. Yeah, Nikki says, laughing.
N: I just think (and it might sound weird to say this) but sex is like playing, like being in a child ego state. And we rarely get, as adults, to express this and have fun with it. How often do you go to water parks, or to swing on the swings as an adult? Hardly! But you have an opportunity to make time to have sex with whoever. And that's really, really, really important to keep us going. So that’s why it’s important to have a bit of a laugh.
E: I mean, there's a reason why it’s called a play party, right? So much of the time that’s your outlet. And that's why fetish and kink is so psychological because often it's an outlet for the things that you want to explore, and that's going on in your mind. So, yeah, I agree.
Laughter aside, I would like to know: what's Nikki’s favourite thing about herself? Nikki winces playfully ‘well, it's a hard question to answer…’ Nikki is one of the most humble people that I know, so I thought I'd really be mean and put her on the spot with this one.
N: Actually, one of my favourite things about myself is my compassion. I am an empath, I think sometimes to my detriment. But I think it's because I'm also very compassionate. And when I say compassion I’m talking about feeling other people's feelings but also understanding where people come from. And it really does help me to get through life.
E: I couldn't agree more. I think your compassion and your empathy and your appreciation of the emotional worlds of others is an amazing thing about you.
N: It's really helpful to be non-judgmental in this kind of work, and in the scene as well. Because we're all here trying our absolute best.
It's a fantastic answer. And it's a very accurate answer as well. So not only is she compassionate, she's also very self aware. It’s also telling that a non-physical attribute is the first thing Nikki thinks of; I wasn’t joking about the humble thing. Because Nikki is really very beautiful, but more on that later. I will always associate certain things with the Nikki D look. The long red nails. I ask her, is there a story behind them?
N: I always had red nails, but they were always short. And then I had a friend with long nails, and I was just observing them and thinking that looks so good. I went to get them done early 2019, and I never looked back. I just realised that I love it; I love the way my hand moves with them, the way they look. I think red is classy. Red to me means stop and look. You said earlier that I'm humble but, maybe because I'm compassionate and love people, I want people to know me and meet me, you know? I was telling you, I was just in Australia and I spent three and a half weeks without my nails. And when I say I felt like a shell of human without the nails? They’ve truly become part of my identity.
So your nails, your gorgeous, silky long dark hair. Is there another physical attribute of yourself that you really love or makes you feel embodied?
N: I do like my feet; it comes back to the kink question. I also like to get my feet worshipped, I love heels, stilettos, the toe cleavage…
E: As if we didn't have enough of a gorgeous image of you already… So that's you. What about us? When did we first meet, remind me, and why do you think we get on so well?
We both um and ah about when we met. Neither of us seem to be able to put our finger on it.
N: I'm really blessed that we had this connection. It just seems like we've known each other forever.
E: This is why I can never remember! I think we met through Sadie?
N: I think I heard a lot about you through Sadie, but I think the first time we met was actually through a date that I had met previously. We met for dinner with him, and then I met up with you after for some kinky fun…
E: Oh, it's all coming back. Yeah, that was the first time we actually met! Such a good night…
I end up having this conversation with so many people that you meet within this world that you become friends with where you think ‘I genuinely can't put my finger on the first time that we actually met because it feels like we've known each other for so much longer’
N: And that's why it's so lovely to make friends in this world. Because you really have some common ground. You know, women have been, in wider society, placed in this position of competitiveness and judgement. And I hate that. I want good relationships where we look after each other.
E: And that's the thing. It's the care. You want to play together, you want to have fun together, you want to look after each other. You want to make sure that everybody's having a good time. And I think that's what really sticks.
And why do we specifically get along?
N: Well, we touched on it earlier. And we touch each other now [both laughing]. Okay, well, here we go. This is exactly it, we have a laugh. But we also seem to have some similar energy in the bedroom.
E: Oh, God, I think that's so true.
N: And there hasn't been a single awkward moment between us. And if there's an awkward moment, it's usually from our date being surprised by our energy. He's like, ‘Oh, okay, you do definitely know each other!’ Because we do get a lot of questions! ‘Do you two ACTUALLY like each other, do you actually play and relax together?’ And the answer to all these questions is yes yes yes! And I think that's why we get along so well, because we've also managed to successfully have a social life outside of work, but thanks to work that we met. Ah this is beginning to get quite romantic!
E: I know, I’m blushing! I think that we play off of each other's energy very well. The sensuality, and switchy tendencies; I fall into a very natural rhythm with you in terms of domination and submission. And then if somebody else is introduced, we can flow around them, and it’s beautiful.
N: It’s effortless. I would love to go into my calendar and count how many times we've actually met. Because, like with any good relationship, the more you meet, the more in flow we are with each other. It’s why, to me, it’s a no-brainer for someone to meet us together.
We've talked about kink, and the conversation moves to films and music. I've always been a film buff, and am absolutely influenced by film in terms of sexuality and eroticism. I ask Nikki if she has movies or books or music that really influenced your sexuality or just gets you in the mood? I glance up. As we speak, we're sitting under the framed and smouldering gaze of Prince on Nikki’s wall.
N: Anyone who knows Nikki D knows that she likes Prince. And actually, I originally was Darling Nikki. That was my name, from the Purple Rain soundtrack. It's actually about a sex worker who meets him and changes his life. So I was originally Darling Nikki. But of course there is another Darling Nikki, so I changed it to Nikki D, but it’s inspired by Prince. His performances come from so much angst, love, desperation, confusion. So Prince is definitely up there in my influential listening. I think I'm an 80s girl, you know, in terms of the music and the film of that time. So Labyrinth also comes to mind. I mean, in the realms of sexy people from that era like Prince? David Bowie? And David Bowie in Labyrinth? With that bulge?
E: The Goblin King?
N: Yes! And he's just so mean, dominant, but also sensual. Yeah, that's obviously problematic, but…
E: The heart wants what it wants!
N: And hey, you know, it might sound like every basic’s answer, but I love Beyonce. I mean, she's iconic. She's Queen B. She can't go wrong. So Beyonce is up there, but there's something about Prince.
It's funny. Some people will reel off the David Cronenberg's and the sexy films and very dark kinky ones. But I feel like a lot Nikki’s choices, things which inspire her and make her feel sexual and erotic are explosive with light and positivity; they’re empowered and emotional. Beyonce and Prince, masculine and feminine and everything between. I think it's really cool. I say this to her.
N: But even the Labyrinth soundtrack has a lot of emotion. And the message of following your dreams even when what you want is something really wack. The heart wants what the heart wants, you know, even if it's a Goblin King, or to get rid of your annoying half brother.
E, laughing: Whatever you need!
N: Whatever you need! In a bigger way, some kind of freedom! Because I think I'm always chasing that freedom to be liberated in so many ways. I get it.
We smile. Another thing we have in common. So, I say, she’s mentioned she escaped from home back to London, her spiritual homeland? What are her favourite things about London?
N: Oh my god, where do I begin? For me London is the best because people can come here and be themselves. And for me, particularly because I don't have any family here, I've got my chosen family who come from all walks of life. It's the play parties, the kink events, I can go to this community of friends and lovers that I've met on my travels. I also love old bars. I like going to bars in London that are just full of random people, again, from all walks of life. Also live music; you know those bars that have a piano? Or even just a DJ and then the next minute the bartender is up on the table? They’re just a lot of fun. Yeah, I like the kind of fun to be had in London. Always there if you're looking for it.
E: It's the infinite possibility of Soho, I think somebody wrote a blog for KLE about it, it's this playground. You can mess around as much as you’d like!
Are there any places in London that Nikki’s been dying to go to?
N: Hmm, the first thing that comes to mind is Kol-
At this point I gasp and tell her how much she would love the Mezcal pairing. We chat about the food at Kol (beautiful setting, great vibes, small portions and the criminally underrated bar downstairs, how HIDE is the same) and I recommend that she go to the bar first, have a little cocktail, maybe even forget the food…
N: For me, it's about the drinks. I don't love Mexican food, unless I'm in Mexico, or San Diego, where I've had the best Mexican food!
The conversation moves outside of London. Where's on her travel bucket list?
N: Cuba!
E: Cuba? I can see you causing havoc in Cuba!
N: Actually, and I don't know if you knew this already, but I'm a Cuban salsa dancer! Not professionally, I just love it. I've done classes, I can do the basics. If someone knows how to dance they can make me look like I know how to dance. Cuban salsa is my dance love. I've been trying to go to Cuba for the last I don't know how many years. I was going go in 2020 but of course… here we are. I was thinking about going this year but really I would love to go with someone.
E: I mean, my next question was going to be where do you think is the most romantic place to go, but I’m imagining Cuba, dancing salsa like that in the heat… That would be a dream. Where would you go that you've been before that you can recommend for a romantic getaway?
N: I mean, obviously, Greece? The sunset? Santorini. Santorini is uber-romantic. The best sunset in my opinion. Get on a boat, sunset cruise, jump in the water, mediterranean heat. Skinny dip. Great seafood. Great atmosphere. Good air. Good vibes.
After a brief break to swoon at the thought, we move onto some quicker questions, because there is a real danger of me talking to Nikki forever.
E: So what type of dates do you truly enjoy?
N: I do like a dinner date. I like short dates too, but when you do go out to dinner it makes it that much better because you've had all the tension built up and you've had that hand under the table and a bit of time…
E: So what type of things would you like to see more of now?
N: Honestly, just more dinner dates. Long lunches.
I have to agree. All the dinner dates I've been on with Nikki have been electric. They’ve amped up the fun; the drinks over dinner, everybody relaxes into each other. We talk about a fabulous date we had, a vivid memory of when we went to J. Sheekey. We both had these short skirts, precarious heels. It was the end of summer. We walked, our date a moment behind us, and the sexual tension was palpable.
E: Apart from me (or preferably with me) who else is on your to-duo list?
N: Ah, someone that I've been flirting with relentlessly on Twitter, she's always writing me the most beautiful things. Oh, it's Olivia Sterling! Just because we've been flirting quite a lot… Also Florence Wilde.
We both gasp. Well, I am shocked, I say, Nikki agreeing. I'm shocked because I’ve spent quite some time with Miss Florence Wilde in the same sort of capacity as Nikki and I, i.e. friends, work, play parties.
E: You two…. Actually, to be fair, I think maybe it's the universe just trying to maintain some kind of sanity because the two of you together… The energy would be wild. Oh, literally, Florence Wilde.
N: Yeah, she's actually wild.
E: So I think you two need to get together.
N: Yeah, she's the one.
And the people that Nikki always love playing with?
N: Oh my god, you of course, I love playing with Valerie, always a good time. Sadie as well, of course.
Where should a client take you for dinner to get into your good books, and what cuisine is your favourite?
N: Seafood- I love oysters. I also love Asian food and, you know, the classics. Ivy Asia.
I suggest Park Chinois, my restaurant matchmaker tendencies kicking into gear. Old-school glamour! Live music! It’s so Nikki.
N: Yes, I need to go! Hakkasan! Hakkasan I love! Someone else recommended LPM Mayfair?
I haven’t been, I say, but it’s supposed to be good fun. If somebody wanted to bring you a gift, or a token of affection, what is the thing that you love and you'll always appreciate?
N: Oh, my gosh. I want to say it, but I don't want to say it because I have so much already. But lingerie. Actually, I don’t have any Bordelle! [Which is a travesty, I say] My signature scent, YSL Libre. Actually a lover last night guessed that that's what I was wearing.
What are your favourite gifts that you've received in the past? Do you have a big dream gift?
N: I've loved receiving vouchers for spas, like AIRE, and sex toys. Actually, I've received quite a few sex toys and vibrators. And I was very blessed that just before the lockdown I received the Womanizer from a very special lover of mine, so that got me through the lockdown, and that was a gift. The gifts I appreciate most are really kind; they show that you’ve really thought about me outside of the time we’re spending together. I really appreciate that. A lover once paid for a friend and I to go to Marrakech. I would’ve loved for him to be there too, but it's such a beautiful gift to give someone, an experience.
So finally, I ask, what would you like people to know?
Signing off this letter, I hope you’ve fallen just as hard for Nikki as I did back when we first met. If you’d like to cover our bill for this lunch, send us on another lunch, or take us out (or stay in with us) yourself, don’t hesitate to get in touch…
E x